I just don’t really know what’s up with me!!!!!

It's been a hectic and trying couple of months to say the least. I feel like I'm being pulled from all different directions. So many people think they know what's best for me, and only two people in my life aren't telling me what I should be doing.

Last night I was fed up. I realized that there was no way I could make a rational decision because I was full of emotion. I was sick of the circus that one aspect of my life had become, and I had had enough. I decided to take some time for me. And that's what I'm going to do. I'm not going to let other people's opinions dictate my decisions and the way that I live my life.

This morning I woke up feeling like I wanted to take a mini-vacation, something that I like to do every so often. I could have very easily gone away alone, but again I thought to myself, I am waiting for someone to come. I just don’t want to go away alone. I want her to be with me and we could spend some time together. Why is that I had that feeling. I don’t really know. I could have just been fine on my own, but still I thought again, I have waited for so long, why can’t I hang on for a little more time.

At the time of this writing, I have a destination and a resort in mind, simply because I'm going to spoil ourselves (and since she's coming very soon) and splurge on an outrageously priced weekend. But that's all that I'm planning for. Who knows what that weekend holds, or will that weekend ever happen. I'm tired of reacting to everyone around me. I'm tired of letting my actions be based on everyone else's actions and opinions and words. I'm tired of planning for the future, regretting the past and missing my present. It's time to be real, and that starts with me.

I just don’t really know what’s up with me!!!!!

Never Make Someone a Priority When You are Nothing More Than Their Option

That's probably the best advice I've ever heard. I mean, when you think about it, it's totally true. You spend all your time putting someone else first in your life. You wonder what they're thinking, are they happy, are they sad, what can you do to make them happy. And to them, you're nothing more than an afterthought. They spend maybe one day with you in the week. And then when someone else comes, they ignore you like you don't exist. MAYBE they'll send you a text message or an email. MAYBE they'll answer the phone if you call. But, more often than not, they don't think about you. You get frustrated and sad and wonder what did you do that was so wrong. What can you do differently to get them to look at you the way you look at them. But the truth is, nothing. When it's gone, it's gone.

All you can do is stop making someone a priority when you are nothing more than their option.